This is for all my friends, I’m really very grateful for all of you during what has been a spectacularly boring few weeks. People tell you to enjoy the peace and quiet while you can, but what with finishing uni in July, I’ve just about had all the peace and quiet I can stand. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my own company, but after about twelve weeks together at home, myself and I are heading for a fall-out. Struggling with not studying/working, it’s easy to lose a sense of yourself and in a way I was almost grateful for the opportunity to be a help to family during difficult times over the summer. It was good to be needed and in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with being up the duff.
It’s strange how once you tell some people, they only ever talk to you about your pregnancy from that point on. The same happened when I wrote my first blog post, after that some people will only ever think of you in a particular way – a victim, fragile, depressed. I may a sentimental divvy capable of producing tears at the drop of a hat, but I’m none of those things, at least not anymore, and I haven’t been for a long time. The best reaction I got was from friends who read it, were glad for me that I’d written it, and then continued to treat me in exactly the same way as they always had.
The same folk have been, and I don’t say this lightly, FUCKING VITAL to me over the past few months. I have very little to say, but continue to witter on regardless, and I’ve been more grateful than you might think to trade jokes, pictures, gossip, stupid voices and the like and be involved in discussions about the Olympics, feminism, politics, Andy Carroll’s hair and how much women love eating salad. A lot of my friends live far away, some of the most inconsiderate have actually moved abroad – the bastards – and while I’m in good contact with all those people who are important to me, I don’t have a lot of friends locally, and miss out on more spontaneous contact. Now that I’m struggling to get about, I’ve become one of those particularly pathetic people, eagerly awaiting the home time and weekends of another person so I don’t have to be on my own any longer.
You guys have totally bridged that gap, and helped me through days when I’ve just sat on my own and wept with loneliness, frustration or sheer boredom. A few of you were my friends already, some I met through these friends, and others I have never, or may never meet. Thank you Karen, Lucy, Selina, Steph, Andrea, Vicky, Emma, Lizzie, Natalie, Sam, Sharmila, Augusta, Hannah(s), Mhairi, Eliza, Kathryn, Mik, Carrie, Joanna, John and Matthew, to name the people who first spring to mind, and to all the rest of my Twitter buddies. Please do continue not to ask me if there’s ‘any news?’, to bear with me being hugely uninteresting at the moment, to treat me as a person with interests outside of my uterus and to be patient with me if I’m incredibly crap at maintaining contact over the next little while – I haven’t got a fucking clue how it’s all going to work. Anyways, I think you’re all ace, and I’ll be the prick emailing you at four in the morning. Much love xxx